3 Ways To Help A Child Transition Through Life's Challenges
When babies slide through a birth canal, the love and warmth they’ve felt for nine months is immediately disrupted. Everyone knows that hospital rooms feel like a refrigerator to lower the risks of infections. Leaving darkness and entering a cold and bright atmosphere is not the most exhilarating experience for anyone. Cries of fear erupts from the newborn’s belly like a wandering wolf that lost its pack. While a nurse cleans up the baby, you could still hear the high-pitched cries. It ceases once the baby is returned to its mother’s arms. It’s mother’s scent. It’s mother’s love, which is the only home and comfort the baby knows.
Transitioning during any stage in life is challenging. As an adult, I’ve moved five times to unfamiliar cities by myself. Each move never got any easier. In the beginning it was exciting, but that was short lived. The loneliness settles in quicker than a pebble in quicksand. Adults have the maturation to adjust to transitions more efficiently than a child or adolescent. Our lives are busier and can be filled with various chores and traffic. A child doesn’t have that initial “luxury.” Their loneliness is just that; LONELY.
Loneliness- producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation
Transitions aren’t only big city moves. Children transition from daycare to pre-school, middle school to high school, separate households in a divorce, foster care, puberty, into adulthood, and more. Your child may even have to endure situations you’ve never experienced before. As your child’s protector and guardian, it will be best for you to prepare them for the unknown; even if it’s new for you.
3 Ways to Help Your Child Transition
Give that Newborn Love
Everyone desires attention whether they admit it or not. Newborn love is merely prompt attention. New mothers are patient, kind, and delicate with their baby. Every cry, twitch, or need is immediately addressed. The process is taxing, but it is relieving for both parties. The baby is relieved that he/she is now comfortable and the parent is relieved that the baby is now comfortable. It’s a win-win.
Children may struggle to express their feelings when they are experiencing something new. Think about it. When something abruptly scares you, you’ll either jump or scream. For the Mike Tysons in the world, they might start swinging punches. Ha-Ha! But on a serious note, fear settled in and you initially locked up. After you realize that it was nothing, then you walk away feeling silly. For kids, they may lack discernment when fear settles in. They just lock up. That newborn love will make them at ease to unlock that fear.
The Set-Up
Life isn’t always rainbows and ice-cream cake. Babies, teenagers, and adults all co-exist in this ever-changing world with a lack of preparation. It is important to be decisive and not too passive when you prepare your child for the challenges they will face.
Poor expectations always produce heartbreaking results. Heartbreak is one of the main things parents hate to see their child experience. There are ways to mitigate that dreadful emotion with preparation. Have a conversation with your child by giving them a clear and concise explanation of what they are about to endure.
Visuals tend to help children understand situations better, i.e the YouTube generation. For instance, maybe your child is struggling with adjusting to puberty. They may have acne, budding breast, or hair growing everywhere. You can purchase books with instructional pictures such as The Care and Keeping of You by Valorie Schaefer. You can also show them before and after pictures of their favorite celebrities that struggled with acne to teach them that it is a normal stage on the path to beauty. Another option is to physically show them how to care for new changes in their bodies by teaching them how to shave or to properly use pads or tampons. It will be a bonding moment for you both.
What if it’s a Situation the Parent Never Experienced?
Superman had to battle kryptonite, so it’s absolutely ok. Parents don’t have to be this powerful force that can move all mountains. Sometimes it’ll take a little more effort to overcome some situations.
Reach out to a friend or colleague to see how they’ve handled the matter your child is dealing with. If you’re uncomfortable sharing this experience with someone close to you, then conduct some research to see what professionals recommend. Be honest with your child about your lack of clarity on the situation. The transparency will build trust and strengthen the bond between you and your child. They will feel more comfortable with you taking this unknown ride with you.
Open Door Policy
Trust is the key to an open door policy. Be strategic about your responses to ensure that your open door doesn’t have any impediments to restrict access. It begins with asking your child about their day and how they felt throughout those events. This helps them build healthy ways to process their emotions or even just building an honest friendship with their parent.
One day I asked my niece how she thought she performed after one of her soccer games. She was silent. I asked her why her lips weren’t running like they normally do. She responded, no one ever asked me that, so I don’t know what to say.
Children should know that their opinion matters. I wanted to open that door of dialogue and honesty between us. I needed to know how she felt instead of telling her how she should feel. People tend to be critical about an athlete’s performance to let them know which play was great and which play needed improvements. She was the one on the field, not me. I needed to hear how she felt before I interjected my two cents. Being an open door makes the child comfortable to approach you with how they feel or what they need to discuss anything in a safe and welcoming environment.
Life is all about adjusting to transitions. It is impossible to strive without some type of guidance. It builds character and drive for someone to figure it out on their own. However, those heavily driven independent individuals long for someone to be with them throughout those transitions. Rendering that newborn love, being an open door, and preparation will help your child transition through anything.
Bee Great
Bee Open
Give Love
Smile,
Bee